over 2 weeks

Today marks over 2 weeks of me being here. I feel like... no, I know im missing a lot back home and i can do nothing about it. I have to get used to being here I guess. Time sees to fly here, every day going by, going by, i cant believe its been two weeks. Its september now. I have, like, 15 weeks left at this point. when i look at 15 the number it seems small, weeks go by so quickly here, though nothing is rushed. I spend time reading books and talking to people for the most part, much different from back home. I spend time thinking, laying in bed, staring up... just thinking. I wonder why im here to some extent, believing I have worth back in the States and people need me and go back, then the sinking feeling in my gut kicks in and tells me I am not really needed anywhere and the three words about life still stand "it goes on". I have a feeling nobody is really reading this, and thats fine, i havent written in a while and nobodies really complained. That is to be expected i guess. I'm just not exciting, old news. Above that I have no news, here is more of a void than anything. A lot of my stories i've realized are from parties and times with close friends but I have neither of those here so I have nothing to talk about. I dont want the simple "went to class and couldn't understand teacher" or "at my internship and blogging" like i am right now to be all this is. The weathers hot, yes. The water you cant drink, no hot water in the house. theres spicey food, people urinate when they want. public transport are vans. English is the official language, though hardly anyone speaks it. Really, aside from that I dont know what to say. that sums it up thus far. Its more like a vacation to hang out and calm down and have nothing happen in your life. For me, though, my life involves so many others, and when my life comes to this 4 month calm halting period, where i get more than enough sleep and rest and whatnot, everyone elses lives are picking up, its the fall... school is starting,new friends to be made, recruitment for orgs, meeting teachers...finding new loves and burying the ideas of old ones. As everyones lives advance to these things mine lays dormant, unmoving. I will wake up in michigan in the middle of December and it wont seem like i was here. It will seem like a dream to me, and reality would have passed as though I was in a coma for 4 months and i will have to readapt to the world then. I don't know if i'll be able to or not, but trying to keep up with it, trying to keep my standing in the world ground is trivial, for it moves when i do not. The world is the quicksand and I am but dormantly standing on it, ever sinking, and I wonder wether the time I can finally move will be a time I can still breathe, gasp for air and get on with everything, or if it will be a time when i have sunk too deep.